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The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn

March 31, 1999

(before Jeff comes on, Craig speaks about how Jeff is supposed to play piano for them and how embarrassed he will be if Jeff cannot play well)

Craig Welcome back, my first guest has an impressive film resume that includes such critical successes as "The Big Chill", "The Fly", and 'The Right Stuff" and blockbusters such as "Jurassic Park" and "Independence Day". Please welcome the beautiful and the talented Jeff Goldblum.
(the song "superfly" plays as Jeff enters)
They love you, they love you, come on over here
Jeff Very nice
Craig What are you....What you think
Jeff (under applause) Do you really make contact with them...
Craig huh?
Jeff Do you make contact with them, do you really kinda get to know them
(points at crowd)
Craig Some...uhh, as we get deeper into the show sometimes I will go and shake hands during the breaks when Iím not looking out the window..when Iím not reflecting
Craig and Jeff
Jeff explains Jeff Thatís very nice, thatís very came from New York and so is this crowd...I know this is like the second or third this crowd different from the New York crowd?
Craig This is the sexiest audience Iíve ever seen
(audience cheers, Jeff nods)
Craig You know, just donít look over there (points to stage right)
Jeff Right, youíre looking more (waves to stage left) youíre looking more over in here
Craig yeah right around..
Jeff around there
Craig By the way, what are you promoting, why are you here?
(audience laughs)
Jeff Oh, (laughs) You know, Iím here to support you, promoting this show I think...
Craig Wait a second, so your telling me you donít have a movie or anything to plug
Jeff No
Craig Youíre just here
Jeff Because I..because I like you. I had a good time on the Daily show and I like the idea of this show and Iím here
Craig Very beautiful...I think the word is magnanimous....magnanimous youíre giving..
Jeff Like Buttafuccosí....thatís magnanimity, the wife..gees
Craig Wow, gees..yeah...why would she...but itís nice...weíre forgiving everyone arenít we?
Jeff yeah
Craig I preach love, youíve heard me before
Jeff yes
Craig Can I ask you something before we go on?
Jeff yes (smiles)
Craig Because Iím new to LA, can I ask you something
Jeff Please! When you did get here?
Craig Well, we donít have to go into that...we donít have to go into the details of where I live and when I go home..
Jeff Well, I wasnít going to get into that
Craig I got here in December right before Christmas
Jeff December, right right right...had you spent much time down here before that?
Craig I lived on Venice and I used to play basketball down in Venice and argue with the guys and dunk on people...
(audience laughs, Jeff smiles)
Jeff thatís impressive
Craig Well, hereís the thing, I donít play ball but I want to stay in shape, should I...Iím I supposed to get a personal trainer? Is that the in thing to do in LA?
Jeff Well, you shouldnít bother yourself with what the in thing to do is, certainly ... should do what you feel like doing. I mean, youíve worked out before right? Are you interested in working out?
Craig Well I wanna know if I should get a personal trainer because I actually like taking a class because I like being around know, Iím a people person
Jeff as am I
Craig and I wanna know....should I do Tae Bo (audience laughs) what about the Pulatiís
(Jeff laughs)
Jeff I donít know. Should we go through it? Tae Bo..I donít know..I see the thing..I donít know...It looks ok...Iím very happy with my regime, I have a trainer in fact...
Craig a personal trainer?
Jeff yes sir
Craig OK
Jeff Rapheal (audience laughs at the name, Jeff smiles) is very good
Craig now Iím leaning...Iím leaning towards getting a personal trainer
Jeff are you?...are you?
Craig Well, if you have one I think thatís the right thing...
Jeff Itís....Thank you....I think heís very good and Iíd be happy to introduce you to...
Craig Rapheal?
Jeff Yes, Rapheal at Body Gym and we can work together
Craig Well, with a personal trainer, itís kind of one on one, if we were taking a class then we could work out together.
Jeff Yeah, yeah we wouldnít be working out together anyway. I mean, itís a little gym and weíd be there...
Craig Yeah
Jeff Yeah
Jeff looking confused Craig I have another question and itís a little embarrassing...I was going to ask you before the show, but Iíll ask you know (writes question on paper), itís a little weird... (audience laughs, Jeff looks confused) Iím sorry.....I wanted to do this..but itís on my mind..
Jeff All right
(hands paper to Jeff, Jeff reads it and gives Craig weird look)
Jeff Should I write...should I write on this?
Craig Yeah, you canít answer that out loud
Jeff Ummmm (Jeff smiles and makes waving explaining motions while thinking about the answer)
Jeff Itís....
Craig Itís a simple yes or no, come on...
(Jeff smiles and hands Craig the paper)
Craig Wow, that very nice of you....Iím surprised
Jeff Really? (laughs)
Craig Now let me ask you this
Jeff yes sir
Craig lets say weíre talking about hair on your face now
Jeff Yeah (strokes beard) you say that as if we were talking about hair on something else....
Craig I donít know...I donít know......
writing down the answer to Craigs Question
I wanna know about shaving because I donít always shave. I shave once every two days...
Jeff yes I see now is the off day for you
Craig exactly
Jeff I like that...I like...I really wanna know? It hurts me if I shave every day. I like if I can to shave once every five days...I love to shave when itís like that
Craig Do you enjoy the shaving process
Jeff if Iíve let five days go by, yes I really..yes I like it..I feel very manly and I like it.
Craig Someone was telling me that you went to get a shave over in London in is it called Trumpers?
Jeff Yes, listen to this, I was in London years ago and Iíve always liked can I get the best know one is interested if you shave. And in London Iíve always seen those places..the barber shops where they shave you..
Craig This is the thing where they foam you up and you set back
Jeff Yeah...You see in the know, you see it in the Godfather..and you think oh boy I want the best least once in my life let me see about my getting the best shave possible. So I went to this place and it was a big picturesque kind of place.
Craig This is the royal...Prince Charles gets shaved there..Queen Elizabeth gets shaved (crowd laughs)
shaving Jeff Bikini wax I think they also do that, but they get, you know, there was this old guy there who gave me a shave, but to make a long story short he shaved me and it was not that good. I decided that I probably do the best job myself it was..he gave me nicks and he didnít get as close as I could have...when youíve shaved for years and years and years you know which things grow which way...
Craig You know your face Jeff better than other people know your face
Jeff thatís what Iím trying to say
Craig is that right
Jeff exactly (laughs)
Craig Now this is the British place, do they give you the British do they give you the Tom Jones cut?
Jeff (Jeff make scissors motion to his hair) do you mean cut the hair?
Craig Yeah did they cut your hair?
Jeff I was not in the market for a haircut but maybe...I saw Englebert Humperdink last
Craig you watched the show last night
Jeff yes, I watched the show
Craig we call him Enge
Jeff really?
Craig Heís part of the support group like know what were going to do when we come back? Weíre going to play five questions and then youíre going to play for us
(Jeff smiles and nods drinking his water)
(commercial break)
Craig Once again, Jeff Goldblum
You were enjoying the were commenting on the set...this is not a set. This is the place.
Jeff This is your house.this is your house?
Craig ummhmmm, my home in the hills
Jeff itís very nice..first of I was commenting..itís very masculine, the most masculine set of any talk show, donít you think so?
(Crowd hoots)
Craig Is that a good thing?
Jeff Yes, I think itís a very good thing, I love this..I love these chairs
Craig Is it comfortable?
Jeff Yes itís very comfortable
Craig Doesnít feel like youíre setting on a golf ball does it?
Jeff Ahh, I saw last prostate trouble here (reference to a joke Craig did in the previous show about prostates) I would get rid of...(plays with cushion)....this, this goes with the thing.. but I see itís velcored on..Iím taller, I get chairs made...
Craig Your a tall..6í4, 6í5, 6í6 angular
Jeff As are you...what are you?
What youíd say? Did you say Ann...
the furniture
Craig Angular
Jeff Oh, I thought you said Ann Miller (smiles) A 6í4 Ann Miller
Craig No, but you do dance, we saw that earlier in rehearsal
Jeff thank you very much, I like to tap dance
Craig In fact, youíre going to dance for, no youíre going to play piano for us today
(crowd cheers)
hereís the thing, Iíve been nervous as far as "can he play" weíve been promoting you for months "Goldblum is going to play piano. Are you playing a joke on us, can you actually play the piano? Tell me about your background.
(Jeff looks humbled)
Jeff I can play, but itís a hobby for me. When I was kid growing up in Pittsburgh I took lessons, I discovered Jazz...
Craig When did you start?
Jeff Oh you know, when did I start, like 5th grade or so. My parents gave us all piano lessons. I had a facility for it at first but then ugh, my other brothers dropped out and I didnít like to go to the lessons for it, and I wouldnít like to play, but I could do it early on...but when I first heard jazzy things..they gave me sheet music to like ally cat or something (humms ally cat) I went ohhhh, this is great and I learned the thing and thatís when I really sat down
looking at watch Craig So you like jazz?
Jeff Yeah, and I kept a piano in my house ever since.
Craig Did you actually play in coffee houses or bars
Jeff When I was in Pittsburgh, listen to this, I got the idea in my head around 15 years old to get a job, I was very independent, itís was an independent streak in me..
Craig itís good to get a job..I tell the audience that they should probably at some point, come back to show from time to time, but get a job...
Jeff they donít...what are they doing now?
Craig They donít thatís the audience I reach
Jeff (looks at his watch) oh no, but itís already...
Craig the unemployed..
Jeff No, they look very stable
Craig OK, so what song are you going to play for us?
Jeff Iím going to play a little thing that I wrote...if you like
Craig You wrote this?
Jeff I wrote it with a friend of mine, Peter Harris...
Craig There you go, Jeff Goldblum, good luck...
(Jeff goes to piano, Plays a special Kilborn version of Born Freeky)

Jeff playing "Craig Kilborn was Born Freaky
Like Uniquey
Heís he shiek of arabiky,
Heís a super freak,
Heís super freeeeeky
Heís been passed the torch and I donít mean tiki
So that maybe you freaks can be reborn freeky
(Scat Sings)

Craig I like that, I like that...I didnít know it was about me
Jeff Yes
Craig Hereís the thing, so you had help writing that? Somebody wrote that with you? Just take credit for it!
Jeff Well, I wrote the lyrics, Peter Harris wrote the music...
Craig Oh, ok, itís time for five questions. This is masculine, weíre setting next to each other on the piano bench....uhhh, geography, name two of the three rivers that meet at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh
Jeff playing
Jeff Managhala
Craig That is correct, thatís one
Jeff and the Alageta
Craig that is correct
Jeff The answers arenít on that sheet are they?
Craig No
Question #3 Jeff OK
Craig Au is the chemical symbol for what element?
Jeff Gold
Craig That is correct
Chips and salsa or cheese and cracker?
Jeff Oh baby...(thinks)...chips and salsa? (crowd cheers, Craig stays silent) also cheese and crackers is very good.
Craig OK, you know what. This is a true story, I could not decide so I said they were even and I think you just said they were even, so itís correct.
This 1972 blaxploitation film featured a soundtrack by Curtis Mayfeild..this a tough one
Jeff could be, is it Shaft?
Craig No, weíre going to have accept that as your incorrect. This was a tough one. It was Superfly.
Jeff Superfly....(audience boos) theyíre on my side... I should have known that.
Craig and finally, this a tough one, number five, "take five"
Jeff If this is a music one, is it a music one? (turns around to piano and plays take five while scatting)
Question #4
Craig and Jeff sing a duet Craig That is correct. You got four out of five
Jeff Thatís not bad
Craig now, I donít sing but I make a joyful noise, lets just try and sing
(Jeff plays and Craig sings them out to commercial they are still singing when the commercial comes back, Craig leaves and tells Jeff he can go now, Jeff leaves).

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